I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize