Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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