She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
