Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
