You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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