I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize