Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
