One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
