2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
