You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
