Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
