he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
