I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
