I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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