....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my poor anus
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
