i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
