Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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