he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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