well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
