The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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