I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
