i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
