he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
