just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
