I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize