Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
