I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
