Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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