So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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