Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
