Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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