Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
