She's JV to your varsity
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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