Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
