Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
