I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
