Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We have started to decorate penises.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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