life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
