I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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