I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
