Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
