im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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