So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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