non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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