Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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