the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
