As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
