You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
