You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
