I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
