Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
not ubering you a puppy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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