They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All the doctor said was why
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
