She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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