we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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