my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
