We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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