a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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