U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Come on in and take your pants off
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