i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
