Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
