His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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